on becoming a grandmother

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those things so sacred we struggle to put words to them.

i am most definitely, instantly and irrevocably mesmerized by this little person. if i were trying to explain to a parent maybe..something like when you give birth to your own child. but it’s well beyond even. when you’ve spent your entire adult life–the past 22 years for me–watching every good, bad and ugly thing life has to offer fall all around your baby. how they grow and get on. from the tiny fingers memorialized in clay keepsakes to the handprint they leave on the very essence of who you are when they go off into the big bad world all on their own. kari has always been brave, strong enough to overcome when she couldn’t. so strong sometimes i’ve wondered if she won’t break us all and herself to boot. i am at the same time proud and afraid of the fire in this woman. and then it settles over me– what tempers and ultimately directs such a fierceness..in the best possible way. love.. kinship– i understand this word now. thanks to my mom. thanks to my beautiful, capable, tatted-up, honery daughter, now a mother.

i am beaming.

 

 

 

 

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